A Look Into The Mind Of Jade West
by BeautifulxButterflies
Summary: Just what the title says, Tori/Jade kinda friendship...mostly hate on Jade's part, Cat/Jade friendship, Bade fluffiness, tattoos, beauty pageants and more! Rated for my potty mouth on the last chapter ;D
1. Miss Hollywood Arts

I don't know how my name ended up on the sign-up sheet for the 'Miss Hollywood Arts' beauty pageant. I suspect it was either Tori or Beck. Beating up Tori feels like a good idea, especially now that she's jamming pins into my hair.

"Vega?" I snarl, glaring at her in the mirror.

"Yes Jade?" She sighs, putting her latest pin-of-torture-despair-and-anguish down.

"Get away. From. Me."

"Jaaaaade." She groans. "I'm helping you, the least you could do is thank me."

I turn around in my seat to glare at her. "Thank you? For what? Is this revenge for the black eye thing? Just tell everyone, it's better than this." I ground out.

"Look, i'm sorry i tried to get you to wear pink, but you've gotta look nice-"

"Why? I don't even want to do this stupid thing anyway. Replace me."

"Um, no." Tori has to hold back a laugh. "Never would I miss a chance to see you in a pretty dress, flaunting yourself infront of a massive crowd."

"Aha!" I point at her and narrow my eyes accusingly. "So you did sign me up!"

"What? No! I may find this, well let's face it, _extremely_ funny, but I'm not an idiot Jade, I wouldn't sign you up for a beauty pageant. That's just asking to be beaten up." (My fist is twitching. It wants to punch her. Who am I to say no?)

"Well maybe you _are_ asking." I grumble, turning back to my reflection. "I look all...Icky."

"You look_ pretty_, Jade, there's a difference."

"I'm not so sure there is." I make a face and pull at a lock of gently curled, sparkle sprayed hair.

"I am so glad that this is only the dress check up, because otherwise we so wouldn't be ready in time, what with your whining." Tori mutters, and my eyes snap up to glare at her.

"Oh get over it, princess."

I can't believe this. It's just my luck. Why the hell did I even let Tori help me? Oh right. That asshole, Beck.

"_Please Jade, Please Please Please? I love you...I just want to see how it looks."_

"_Did you sign me up? I swear Beck, If you-"_

"_No, I didn't. But I wish i had, this is a great opportunity!"_

"_Oh?"_

"_Well, I'll get to show off my beautiful girlfriend,"_ Beck was sticking the compliments in to flatter me into doing it. Did he not know me at all? _"And then, I get to take her home, wash all the makeup off, and admire the piece of art underneath it."_

And that's where he had me. Stupid heart. Stupid Beck.

So here i was, at a test run with Tori freaking Vega. Finally, she drops the last curl and beams..

"Aww, you look so...girly!" She claps her hands in a way that makes me want to be sick.

"Remember this. It's not ever happening again. And when I find who signed me up-"

"You're going to skewer their head, Barbeque their left leg, throw their right leg to a tiger, hand their torso over to a starving cannibal on an island alone, and give their arms to a hobo."

I hadn't realized I'd said it so much. Heh, it still sounded good coming out of Tori Vega's mouth. That proves that it's brilliant.

"Hey, by the way, have you seen Sinjin lately? He disappeared a little after the Miss Hollywood Arts comp started, and nobody could find him," Tori frowns.

"Do I look like I care?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. The one that isn't awesomely pierced.

"Ooh," Tori winces. "You might have to take that out for the comp-"

"Uh uh, I don't think so Vega." I growl. Her eyes go all wide and she holds her hands up in surrender.

"Fine, fine. It's not my fault if you don't win then."

I clench my fists. "I don't want to win," I glower at her reflection in the mirror in front of me as she fiddles with the straps on my dress. It's not black. That's what pisses me off the most. The only black outfit i get to wear is the bikini one, and that's hardly considered an outfit anyway.

I guess you're wondering what disgusting colour Tori has forced me into. Like I'd tell you.

"Hey, y'know...If you act a bit nicer...You could totally win this thing," Tori admits, and I jump in my seat, having been lost in my thoughts of...Things I'd rather not mention, and definetly never tell you.

"What the hell are you on?" I frown at her, "Taken any odd lookin' pills lately?"

"Oh shut up."

I feel a genuine smile trying to spread across my lips, so I pretend to cough to cover them. As if I'd want her to think I actually liked something she said. She's brave, I'll give her that.

Finally, after an hour of being shoved into my own closet and having my clothes pulled off and put on me while I tried to reach Tori's skin to scratch her, the torture is over, atleast until the actual Pageant itself.

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.  
**_

"You look amazing," Beck breathes.

I give him a sharp glare which doesn't dissuade him whatsoever. He just keeps that stupid dopey looking dreamy grin on his face, and despite the fact I feel like reaching out and slapping it off, i restrain myself.

"I hate you."

"I love you."

"Pshh, Sure." I grumble. "If you loved me, you'd bail me out of here."

"I do love you, and that's why I'm not going to bail you out of here."

"How the hell does that work? Your brain has very twisted logic-if any." I sneer. He just kisses my cheek and walks towards the door.

"Good luck. I'll be the one at the bottom of the staircase," He says cheesily.

"Worst boyfriend ever!" I call after him. (I can almost feel the smugness radiating off of him. Is Smugness a word? Whatever, If it wasn't then I just made it one.)

"Yeah, yeah!"

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.  
**_

"See? I told you that you would do well."

"I fell down the stairs."

"But you looked lovely while doing so," He shrugs, his easy-going smile in place.

"Oh, thanks, that's such a good consolation. I feel _so_ much better about falling on my ass infront of the whole damn school now. Thankyou _so_ much." I ground out sarcastically. He just throws his head back and laughs.

Tori runs over (If you can call it that, she looks like a kangaroo with a broken leg) squealing like a kid who just found out she was adopted (Hey, it'd make _me _happy.).

"Oh em gee Jade! Second place! That's amazing!" She throws her arms around my shoulders and squeezes hard. I think...She's trying to hug me? What the hell is wrong with this girl?

"Um...Get off?" I say unsurely, trying to pry her arms off of me. She gets off, but she's still smiling. God, what I wouldn't give to punch that smile off.

"Ahhh! Jaaaade!" Cat squealed, darting over and hugging (Oh please god, not again!) me. Beck helps me pull her off because we both know she's holding on like I'm her lifeline. "You were like so awesome! You shoulda won, it's too bad that I did." She pouted, looking ashamed.

"Nah." I grumble, irritated that I'm actually feeling bad about this weirdo feeling bad about me (Did that even make sense?). Well, whatever. "You won fair and square, Cat."

Beck's grinning. He's all happy that I'm being nice to Cat, and he's probably glad that I haven't knocked Tori out yet. He's lucky i haven't knocked _him_ out yet. My boyfriend or not, he's having way too good a time watching me suffer in...(Shudder) Pink.

Yeah. Pink. I think, i might just kill myself if I don't take this dress off in the next five seconds. (Though considering the amount of teenage guys around, I doubt Beck would be too happy if I stripped down. But like I said, he was too happy anyway.)

"Wait, I won a square? I don't want a square...I like love hearts. Can i trade the square in for a love heart?" She asks hopefully.

"No, Jade didn't mean-" Tori starts, but Beck cuts her off.

"Do you two mind, you know? Giving us a minute?"

(I don't know why he's saying 'A minute', Cat's going to take him literally.)

"Oh. Sure!" they walk off, talking like they've known eachother since prep.

"So," Beck smiles at me. "How did it feel? Come on, be honest,"

What does he expect me to say? 'Oh, well if i'm being honest I love acting like a princess and prancing around boys, pretending i'm a slut.' Um, no.

"It was annoying and my bikini was itchy."

"You wear it whenever we go to the beach," He frowns.

(It's wet then. It's not the same when it's dry. It's just freaking uncomfortable.)

"It's comfy when i'm at the beach."

There's a small silence, with us just staring into eachother eyes. (Ew, that is _so_ cliché. It's like something Tori would say. Ick.)

"Tell me yo-"

"I love you."

I hide a secret smile. (How sappy am I BECOMING?)

"Wanna head to the R.V? I've stocked up on mangos, and I've got plenty of your clothes that you've left."

Why does he have to know me so well?

"Yes." I fight the urge to scream it. (YESYESYESYES, YES!)

"And get that makeup off you. Pale pink isn't you at all."

"Beck?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love me too."

(Oh you...)

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

Sinjin sat in the janitors closet, eyes wide, knees pulled to his chest as he rocked back and forth, terrified.

Why was he so scared?

He was imagining his head on a skewer, his left leg being barbequed, his right leg being thrown to a tiger, His torso being eaten by a cannibal, and a hobo sheilding the rain using his arms.

_Oh, oh god._

**_._**

**_._**

**_.  
_**

_**So...What'dya think? **_

_**Reviews make me very happy. And no reviews make me cry.**_

_**Make me happy. Submit a review.**_

_**Click the review button.**_

_**I know you like clicking things! **_

_**Xx Amy.**_


	2. Angsty Proposal

People don't talk to me, in general. It's not like I care that they don't, I like it. It's the way things work, nature running its course. They look at me, wondering, but they don't voice their concerns. (Probably too scared that I'll throw them off the roof).

"You know, i used to be cute and blonde and peppy." I murmur, and Beck's head pops up from where he's video-chatting with Cat, Tori and Andre, to look at me, surprised. (Of course he's surprised; he's seen me beat up four guys who were twice the size of him.)

He raises an eyebrow, obviously amused now, and offers me a smile. "Really, now?"

"Uh huh." I sit up in his bed. The camera hasn't got a view of me, that's probably why none of them have asked why I'm here yet. None of them know that I am. "Cute little piggy-tails and dresses and flowers, too."

He has to hold back a cheesy grin as he imagines it. I can tell he's having a hard time doing it, but he's liking what he's thinking. Not that he's really into that kind of thing, it's just the thought of me being girly. (I might have to punch that grin off his face in a minute, but we're apparently having a 'moment' or whatever, so i guess it'll have to wait).

"How long ago?"

I frown, trying to remember. I can hear Tori's frustrated voice urging Beck to 'pay attention' to whatever stupid assignment they're doing at five am in the morning.

"Maybe eight years?" I don't know for sure, but it sounds about right. "I was eight when my hair got darker," I say, calculating the years.

"Why?" He asks suddenly. I look up.

"Why what?"

"Why'd you change? Not that you're not perfect the way you are now," He chuckles and closes the laptop screen, not caring that Andre and Tori are asking him who is with him. "I'm just curious."

I chew my lower lip. "I don't know. I got sick of the sunshine, and you always need rain for a rainbow..." I shrugged. "I figured out that life sucked and everybody's going to hurt you."

He stands up and walks over, sinking onto the bed beside me and wrapping his arms around my stomach, pulling me into his lap.

"I'm not." He says softly, and I can't help the tiny (Disgustingly bitter) giggle that escapes my lips.

"You already have." I tell him simply. Everyone knows Beck is smart, and he proves it by not denying what I'm telling him.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

(For some reason, I don't want to hurt him anymore. I just want him to stay close to me.)

I think back, and I know exactly what happened the day I turned from all things cute. Beck watches me like I'm the most interesting thing in the world, and i smile at that. (He's still a pansy though.)

"It was about a day before my eighth birthday," I sighed in defeat. His hands rubbed my sides comfortingly, and he kissed the side of my face.

"You don't have to-" He began gently. (Stop being so considerate, you're making me guilty for treating you like this).

"No. I want to."

His smile is so big it's almost creepy.

"My hair was already getting darker, and I was sleeping in 'cause it was a Sunday."

Beck holds my hand, and I can feel my palm against his. It's oddly comforting.

"Screaming woke me up, but I knew it wasn't my Mom because she had work on Sundays at her law firm. So i got up, and i walked to my Dad's room." I hold my breath, the memories flooding to the surface. "He was in there with his secretary. Neither of them were hurt, and I couldn't look him in the eyes for months. Then, i guess i just knew. I knew the world wasn't a good place, and I couldn't be fucked helping it become one."

He kisses my forehead, and i smile and lean into him.

"Hey...Wanna elope?"

The question takes me by surprise and i stare at him, my whole body going still.

"I...Beck, what?" I frown.

"I said," He says, amused. "Wanna elope?"

"No-Beck-Why...No," I say, and i can tell he's hurt because he gently moves away from me and turns his back, obviously trying to hide how upset he is. I sit up, and rest my chin on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his torso. "I love you...But I can't base my life on a spontaneous decision." I say gently. He doesn't move.

"Okay. Fine."

I stand up and look at him. He runs a hand through his hair and then i see it. He's trying so hard to keep together, just like me. He has to stop himself from falling apart, 'cause all we have is eachother, and i just hurt him in the worst way possible.

"Listen, I gotta go, I've got a bunch of homework that I've got to finish, so I'll see you tomorrow?" I don't have any homework to do, but any excuse will have to be fine, because I can't stand seeing him so broken. (I've really done it this time. He looks like he's going to cry.)

.

.

.

I don't call him and tell him to come pick me up and drive me to school. I walk, because i know he'll still have that broken look on his face. I don't want to see it. We have separate classes until lunch, and i seriously consider eating in one of the empty classes instead. (I'm Jade freaking West. I'm not a coward.). So I walk out and sit at the table. Beck's there, picking at his salad, and I can tell that the others have already picked up on both of our moods.

He looks up when i sit down, then with a pained look, he looks back down at his salad. He doesn't eat salad, ever. So i know that i need to do something. Soon.

"Hey Jade." Tori says, trying to make conversation, even though the tension is so thick you could choke on it. "What did you have first period?"

"Dramatic Lit." I mumble, my eyes still glued to Beck.

"What'd you have, Becky boy?" Andre asks cheerfully.

"Arts and Craft."

His answer sounds forced, and he fakes a smile for them. Nobody else sees through it, Beck's an actor for a reason.

"Beck..." I say it so quietly that I'm not sure that he even hears it. He doesn't respond.

Lunch is over within minutes, and Beck's gone before i get a second to drag him into the Janitor's closet and just say yes, because I know it would make him better.

Cat insists on walking me home after i tell her Beck's not driving me.

"..So then I was like 'What's that supposed to mean?' and she was all 'It means that you're Cinderella's understudy!' and then i was all like 'Yay!'" She babbled excitedly. "So if Alice Green gets hurt, I'm Cinderella!"

"A pink haired Cinderella. That'll be interesting." I mutter disinterestedly. She frowns for a second, and then shrugs it off and babbles on. I'm just in a bad mood. I know Cat would make an amazing Cinderella, and she'd blow everyone away. To be completely honest, I actually consider hurting Alice Green for her, so she can be Cinderella. But I'm already on probation, and if Lane found out, I wasn't going to be going to Hollywood Arts for much longer. (Stupid blondes. They always get picked for princesses.)

"Hey wait a sec, this isn't the way to your house!" (It's about time, we're only a block away from Beck's now, and she's only just figured this out. What a ditz.)

"No, it's not." I say, like I'm talking to a toddler. (A toddler would've figured out we were going to wrong way half an hour ago.)

"Where are we going?" She asked, her eyes all wide an innocent. (Jeez, nobody could ever blame _her _for _anything._)

"I need to see Beck." I say blankly, almost missing the flash of concern on Cat's face.

"Do you want me to go?" She says, and she sounds quieter than I ever thought she could be.

"I...Yeah."

.

.

.

Beck doesn't open the door. I know he's in there, but he just doesn't want to see me. I can't blame him.

"Beck...Please!" I call out, slamming my fist against the door even harder. (See what you've reduced me to, Bastard?)

I sigh, and realize that he's not going to let me in anytime soon. Well, that's what feet are for.

I kick the door open, and walk in. (I'm really getting sick of this routine. He'd better get me a key soon.)

He's sitting on his bed, not doing anything in particular. He looks up and frowns.

"Will you ever stop doing that?" He asks, and I realize he's trying to put on a brave face for me. Probably why he didn't let me in.

"Beck..." I sit next to him and tug on the sleeves of my shirt anxiously. "I love you." I pull him into a tight hug, and this time it's more out of desperation than anything. I don't want to lose him.

He's hugging me so tightly that it hurts.

"Isn't that enough?" I ask him softly, while breathing the scent that is just purely _Beck_. (Ew. I smell people now? As if i wasn't weird enough...Well, atleast I'm not like Robbie. He has serious issues.)

"People who love eachother get married." He says simply, like it's all he's grown up to know.

"And I love you," I sigh. "But..."

"But you don't want to marry me." He finishes, glaring at the wall to his left.

"No, no, I do." I say quickly. That grabs his attention. He's looking at me like Cat when someone offers her Candy. "But last night, you didn't mean it, Beck." I frown, and look down at my hands.

"Yes i did!" He grinds out, grabbing my hands and squeezing them. "I don't say crap that I don't mean, Jade."

"Did you even plan it? Do you have a ring?" I ask, proving my point.

"Who the hell cares? I mean it, Jade, i want you to marry me." He insists, looking into my eyes for any indication that I might say yes.

I'm crying now. And he's trying so hard not to.

"How do I know?" I say, wiping angrily at my wet cheeks. "How do i know you won't wake up one day and think 'Why did I do that?', Beck, how do I know?" (I shouldn't be shouting at him, but it's the truth. And sometimes it needs to be shouted for Beck to get the point.)

And then he reaches up, and wipes away the tears with his thumbs, and he smiles a warm, loving smile.

"Because I love you."

And that's all the answer I need, because all of a sudden, I'm kissing him, and whispering, "Okay."

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Well...Haha, it's not as good as my last one, but it's okay, considering I spent two weeks trying to figure out where the heck I was going with this. **_

_**Reviews please! :D**_

_***Puts on Apu from the Simpsons voice***_

_**Thankyou, come again!**_

_**Xx, Amy.**_


End file.
